Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Around Pinehill senses writing BC

One chilly morning, a hard court was in sight, with faded, yellow lines. Above appeared a metal hoop, that basketballs go through as fast as lightning ,and different trees becoming denuded,surrounded it. It is beautiful. As I strolled around groups of sparrows jumped all about, as fast as a kid on a sugar rush. It is a very sweet sound. The sun shone bright over a colorful playground where kids giggle all day and had lots of fun! I can hear the loud rumble of a big engine as it zooms past me. It is all very beautiful! 

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11 comments:

  1. AnonymousJune 3, 2015 at 4:27 PM

    Great Writing!
    I don't really get this sentence: 'Different tree, becoming denuded,surrounded everything.'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousJune 3, 2015 at 5:15 PM

      (pretending to be Brie's reply to Sam)
      I think I need to put an 's' after tree. Would that make more sense?

      Delete
    2. AnonymousJune 3, 2015 at 5:16 PM

      (pretending to be Sam)
      Yes.

      Delete
  2. AnonymousJune 3, 2015 at 4:31 PM

    I like how you did this :D
    As is trolled around groups of sparrows jumped all about, as fast as a kid on a sugar rush.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousJune 3, 2015 at 4:31 PM

    I like how you did this :D
    As is trolled around groups of sparrows jumped all about, as fast as a kid on a sugar rush.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousJune 3, 2015 at 4:42 PM

    NIce writing Brie!
    My faourite part about this writing is.One chilly morning, a hard court was in sight, with faded, yellow lines.Lots of adjectives :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousJune 3, 2015 at 4:51 PM

    Good job Brie
    I like this sentence
    The sun shined bright over a colourful playground where kids giggle all day.
    It is all very beautiful!

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousJune 3, 2015 at 5:18 PM

    This bit may need tweaking - As I strolled around groups of sparrows jumped all about, as fast as a kid on a sugar rush.
    I'd put a comma after the word around, then remove the comma after about. This is because you don't want to split up the simile.

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousJune 4, 2015 at 4:51 PM

    I like all your sentences Brie! Really good adjectives. :D

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  8. AnonymousJune 8, 2015 at 5:04 PM

    wow thats a really epic story alot of expresion

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnonymousSeptember 16, 2015 at 5:18 PM

    I love this writing Brie
    I do agree it is all very beautiful

    ReplyDelete

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